Plaid Ponderings: Thoughts of a Lezz

So here’s an update on the financial aid/tuition issue that I had before. Well I still have it. Unfortunately I’ve basically run out of time for me to get money. We were denied loans, they’re still out of financial aid for this semester, and they won’t let me put on the bill for this semester. So more than likely, I am withdrawing for the semester. I’ll have to start preparing go back home at the end of next week.

I think the worst thing about going home is being shoved back into the closet. I worked my ASS off for three years to get to a place where I could feel safe about who I am. Now I have to leave. I have to stall ny education. I have to leave a school that’s got me excited about learning. I have to leave a school where I don’t have to worry about people finding out that I’m gay.

Everything in my life that I’ve worked so hard for is about to come to a standstill. I don’t just dislike it; I hate it. I hate that something as trivial as money is about to make my world stop.

How is that fair?

I’ve been saving money. Limiting how much I spend. Using any money that I’m given for food or my education find only.

I hate that this is what it’s coming to.

I’m not being dramatic. I’m being honest. I’m being realistic.

To people that have donated, it’s all gone towards my education. I haven’t spent any of that money on food. I’m buying food with Christmas money. Christmas money that totalled to $125. When it’s gone, it’s gone. Which means I’ll for sure be going back home.

Back to the room that left me isolated.
Back to the town that makes me feel like an abomination.

Back to the city where I’ll be doing nothing but working nearly all day, nearly every day until summer is over.

I’m crying now.

But soon after I finish this post, I’ll stop. I’ll dry my face. I’ll go on with life. This isn’t what I planned for. This isn’t what I wanted.

But it’s life.

All I have to do is keep working and keep working hard so I can get back here. Back to the place I want to be.