Plaid Ponderings: Thoughts of a Lezz

Shit in my life has just gotten ridiculous. 

Really really ridiculous. 

First of all. Still haven’t found a job. There are so many places that aren’t hiring. But then there’s also so many places that are hiring that I’m wait for it….overqualified for. 

WHAT?!

“Sorry you’re too good for this job…way too much experience and all that.”

I’m 21 years old. 

Excuse me? Okay. Whatever moving on. 

Filling out scholarships left and right. 

I’ve typed up and altered my life story so damn much that I hate my life. 

(Mostly because it can’t be fit into 300 words or less.)

Today hit the peak of my frustration when I was told I was overqualified for a scholarship.

WHAT.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK.IS.THIS.FUCKERY.

This country has got to get its head up out of its ass. 

I just want to go to school. I just want a job so I can pay for school.

Is that too much to ask for?

Didn’t get a major scholarship that I worked on for days and really needed.

Sigh.

Good News: I don’t have to reapply for next semester. I’m just taking a leave of absence instead of withdrawing. I’ll still have my position so to speak. My GPA won’t change and I won’t be punished for not attending this semester. I’ll even have a new room next semester, probably larger and on main campus. And I’ll even be able to apply for financial aid on time. 

Bad News: I can’t register for other classes or attend another school while I’m on my leave of absence. Which is unfortunate because that means that I won’t be able to take summer classes back home for less like I had planned. This also means that I’ll have to have another semester more of school than I had planned. 

Emotional News: I feel as though I had grown at being out and proud about being gay. It’s going to be a really huge adjustment to have to go back in the closet somewhat. I’m happy to be going back to my friends and family. I have missed them. I’ll get to be around my nephew a lot more which is something I’ve been craving. But this also means a lack of a gay friendly and gay positive community. This month alone there’s been about four or five anti-gay messages and laws trying to be passed by politicians in the area. But the good thing is I do have support in friends and family. So hopefully it shall balance everything out. 

So here’s an update on the financial aid/tuition issue that I had before. Well I still have it. Unfortunately I’ve basically run out of time for me to get money. We were denied loans, they’re still out of financial aid for this semester, and they won’t let me put on the bill for this semester. So more than likely, I am withdrawing for the semester. I’ll have to start preparing go back home at the end of next week.

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NAKED SLEEPS YOU GUYS.

B8’N FOR AS LONG AS I WANT.

DANCING IN MY UNDERWEAR.

STAYING UP UNTIL 3AM.

NOT USING HEADPHONES.

#officially crying too hard to finish my homework

#what’s the point if they’re just going to kick me out anyway

#I can feel myself falling back into self blame and self doubt

I might have to leave Washington.

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Possibly.

I’ve got an interview for the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce Communication Internship on Wednesday.

Which means I need to find my reference letters and finish my cover letter.

And redo my resume because apparently all the information I have on it needs to be reorganized.

Then I also need to apply for the Urban Teacher’s Internship. 

Which means I need to do another cover letter.

And do another resume that’s kind of…..lacking in the amount of LGBTQ things I’ve done and inclusive of other activities that I’ve done. Such as volunteer and tutoring work.

PLUS all of the usual homework and reading and LGBTQ and Breast Cancer Awareness activities that are going on this week.

I’m honestly more pissed about the fact that she left the door open than I am about her not replying to a text. 

Because if she feels safe and she was with people that she feels safe with then kudos and brava to her.

But the first week of school we had 12 rooms get robbed because they didn’t lock their doors.

With two or three people to a room…That’s 24-36 people that just got robbed all because someone didn’t lock the door. 

Responsible people hear this and they lock the doors every single time.

She however left ours, not only unlocked but, ajar.

Which means people could’ve just waltzed in and took whatever the felt like. 

I don’t know about you but I do not have the resources or the time to replace $1,000 worth of school supplies. 

FML.

Definitely waited too long to finish this assignment.

Gonna be up till 2 (if I’m lucky).

Didn’t even get to study for my test.

Fuck.

Okay. Let me start off by saying that I’ve never had the opportunity to be comfortable with who I am and my sexuality outside of about four or five friends. 

It was a toss up. You don’t know who’s LGBTQ. You don’t even know who doesn’t care if you’re LGBTQ. I didn’t know anyone else gay besides me until my junior or sophomore year of high school. The only other person that I knew was gay, I watched him get kicked out of school for being gay. Which didn’t help matters at all.

Now skip ahead four/five years.

Now I’m at a school where they have a very large and supportive LGBTQ group. Not only are they supportive but they give me great opportunities to better myself and learn more about things that relate to my community.

I learned how to properly write my resume and interview when it comes to being hired and coming from an LGBTQ background. I learned about federal laws and rights that I didn’t know I had from the keynote speaker (who just happens to be the EEOC Commissioner). I learned about ways to network within the community. I learned how to go beyond and reach out to the outside community to teach them about the LGBTQ community. I met and became friends with this amazing transman. He’s doing some really cool things with his life like drawing his own web comic about being a Trans male while he’s getting his Master’s degree.

They had gender neutral bathrooms for all of us to use. There were deaf LGBTQ people and their LGBTQ interpreters. There were people from Japan, New Zealand, Chicago, Florida, New York, and New Orleans. There were Asian, Latino, African America, Caucasian, and Biracial people. There were men, women, transgendered, and transsexual. There were lesbians, gays, bisexuals…it was just the most diverse group of people I’ve ever seen. 

I was almost in tears by the end of it all because I was so comfortable just…being me. I was comfortable within a job field atmosphere and it was just the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me by far.

Pictures to follow up next!